I could teach you, but I'd have to charge

Burn One Down

2005-11-04T18:31:00.000-05:00

I always seem to find myself in the most ridiculous situations. This morning at work, I'm hungry so I step into our little walk-in kitchen to toast a bagel for breakfast. I put it into the ghetto toaster oven, and pour myself a glass of OJ, then wait patiently.

I'm standing there, starting to get impatient because my stomach is talking, and it seems like its taking a gajillion years. Well, apparently TJ has some Firestarter tendencies because the shit catches fire.

For a second I just stand there dumbfounded, looking around in disbelief. The smell of smoke kicks me in to gear, I turn it off and open the little glass door and try to blow the flame out. The flame was pretty small at that point, but my technique only served to fuel the fire, and make it three times the size it was before.

I begin to panic, because smoke and soot are billowing out of the toaster, and people are starting to smell (and see) it. Also, the flame is right under my bagel, and I kinda need it not to burn. So I go all out and blow like I'm being filmed, and eventually put the flames out. Turns out that all the crumbs and other droppings (raisins?) that my coworkers have left in the bottom of this thing started the fire.

I grab my bagel and step out the smoking kitchen. At this point my clothes, hair, and the bagel all smell a bit smokey but I'm starving, so I spread some cream cheese on that bitch and eat it anyway. For the most part, it wasn't too bad, but the part of the bagel that got lit tasted like it was covered in lighter fluid.

Mmmm...lighter fluid...

Tig Ol' Biddies...

2005-10-26T09:52:00.000-04:00

...need your help! The Breast Cancer Site has set a goal for October, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, to fund 750 mammograms for women in need. For this month only, every click triples the number funded. Unfortunately, with only 6 days to go, they are falling short of their goal.

It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on Fund Free Mammograms (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate money for mammograms in exchange for advertising. So really, if you care about breast heath, point and click and help save a boobie today.

Remember yall, Swingshift loves the twins.

Mary-KKKate and Ashley?

2005-10-24T11:45:00.000-04:00

This shit is sickening.

What makes this story even more troubling is that these children idolize Hitler, are being primed by David Duke, and with names like Lynx and Lamb you know that they grew up on a cult-compound.

(((Shudder)))

Meet the Fockers

2005-10-24T11:22:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I wake up in the middle of the night last night, nose damn near bleeding from the dry air in my apartment. After a water break, I tried to go back to sleep, but I can't. So the TV comes on and flipping through the channels, I decided to settle on Meet the Press. You can find a full transcript of the show here.

***Just as an aside, am I the only one who thinks that Tim Russet looks like a character from the board game Guess Who? I wish I knew how to photoshop his face on one of the tiles.***

Ol' Timmy has George Allen (R-VA), Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX), and Chuck Schumer (D-NY) over for a play date to discuss Harriet Miers' nomination to the Supreme Court. And of course everyone is all polite and dodges pointed questions. Sen. Hutchison talks as though she is recovering from a stroke all slow like, choosing her words vewy carefully. And Sen's Allen and Schumer seem more concerned that their shiny teeth and Just for Men perfectly coifed hair remains in place. Basically a snooze fest.

Then, Tim-bo comes out with a comment that wakes me up: "David Keene, the chairman of the American Conservative Union, said this: 'Most conservatives have stood with Bush from the beginning. Those of us who know him like him. We've swallowed policies we might have otherwise have objected to because we've believed that he and those around him are themselves conservatives trying to do the right thing against sometimes terrible odds. We've been there for him because we've considered ourselves part of his team. No more. From now on, this administration will find it difficult to muster support on the right without explaining why it should be forthcoming. The days of the blank check have ended because no thinking conservative really wants to be part of a team that requires marching in lockstep without question or thought, even if it is headed by the president of the United States.'"

Well alrightly then. I'm glad that there someone out there is not blindly following Bush like all the other fucking lemmings. But as the former GF mentioned, where was all this when we decided to send our soldiers into Iraq? Is this too little too late?

Sex and the Coffee

2005-10-21T20:25:00.000-04:00

Apparently the Metro is good for more than just wiping your ass. Lately I have noticed that the quality of the paper has greatly improved. Not that that means much, since the paper more often than not seems like it was put together in someone's basement. It is good for a briefing of the day's news, but I really get it for their crossword puzzles and now that they have Sudoku, I make sure to get one every day. Last Thursday's paper had two great articles that I wanted to mention.

The first one was a spotlight on Stephen Coffey, a Boston businessman whose company imports coffee from directly from Rwanda. The Thousand Hills Coffee Co., sells their coffee online and in local stores. Whats great about this is they import from small-time farmers, and a portion of their proceeds go to the construction of a middle school outside of Kigali.

The vision of a new private, tuition-free middle school
for girls is providing new hope in rural area of Nyamata,
Rwanda where educational resources are limited. Women
have taken on a significant role in all sectors of the
nation since the genocide of 1994 yet enrollment of
girls in school, particularly at the secondary level,
lags behind that of boys. The new middle school’s aim is
to prepare girls for higher education and to develop
leaders. Students of all faiths will be educated to be
intellectually prepared and morally inspired to lead and
serve with distinction.

For more information contact paraclete@paraclete.org
or visit the website at paraclete.org

Thats fabulous. Now all you siddity bitches drinking Starbucks and liquid-crack laced Dunkin' Donuts coffee now have another option. One that is actually supporting a great cause.

The other was written by a gentleman named Greg Gilderman, who writes about how unrealistic "Sex and the City" is. He starts off with a disclaimer about how he came to watch the show, because its move to basic cable makes it nearly impossible to miss. But clearly he's gay, because his comments are too funny for a straight man. I'm too lazy to type it all out, but here are a few excerpts that made me laugh.

The Show: Samantha Jones, a middle-aged publicist, dates a stunningly attractive young male model.
The Reality: Young male models don't date older women- they date other young male models

The Show: Samantha performs a certain sexual act on a UPS-type deliveryman she just met- and relishes every moment.
The Reality: A woman giving sexual favors to a mailman she just met isn't doing it for "excitement"- she's doing it for "crack"

The Show: Carrie Bradshaw, a sex and dating columnist, lives in a giant Upper East Side apartment and is known throughout the city.
The Reality: I, a sex and dating columnist, live in an apartment the size of a public toilet, and am known only to people who are too cheap to buy a paper.

Tee Hee.

Ebony and Ivory

2005-10-13T15:27:00.000-04:00

For some reason, this SNL skit has been on my mind all day

"I am black, and you are white."

"You are blind as a bat, and I have sight!
Side by side, you are my amigo,
Negro, let's not fiiiiiiiight!"

If You Think Education Is Expensive, Try Ignorance

2005-10-12T19:58:00.000-04:00

Lesson Still Unlearned

http://www.onpointradio.org/shows/2005/10/20051011_b_main.asp

I haven't really had time to flesh my ideas on this subject, so excuse me if it my words seem a bit incoherent. My initial take on this was Johnathan Kozol has good intentions, but he's a bit of a pompous idealist. His use of inflammatory words like apartheid overshadows what he is trying to bring to light. When he was confronted on alternate theories, instead of really listening to other's ideas, he immediately rushed to his stock response of "I've been teaching for x amount of years in Boston's inner city school system, I've seen dozens of examples across the nation of how this can work". And I do believe that still to some degree. But the more I think of it, the more I see that he is just trying to put a spotlight on a topic that so many of us are willing to ignore. The fact that many children of color are not getting a proper education or at least a basic level of education necessary. There is no reason in this day and age that we should have functioning illiterates a la Fantasia. Don't get me wrong, I agree that Boston's methods do seem to be working, or at least are headed in that direction. But I also think that the level of education in Massachusetts in even the poorest areas of Boston is higher than in many other inner city areas.

As for Amy Wilkins, she is also blindly hoping the No Negro Left Behind act will boost the education of inner city kids. Basically all it is doing is exposing the flaws in our current system. My problem with that is that test scores are not always indicative of what is learned. You can boost the scores overall, but still not have students who actually have learned anything beyond route memorization. While you may be able to remember enough to pass a test, that doesn't mean that you can retain that knowledge or put it into practical application.

I do agree with Kozol in that I think integration is key. But moreso for the students to experience educational and cultural diversity. Not just the white ones. Diversity doesn't mean MORE black and brown kids. Diversity means some of ALL kinds of children. I don't think that children in all black schools should just be relegated to learning about African-American culture. It needs to be taught more to ALL students. And African-American students need to learn about other cultures as well. World wide. Which, the former GF pointed out to me, should be an inherent benefit of integration anyway, right?

Its also irritating that when they talk about integration, they speak about bussing black kids elsewhere. The former GF scoffed at my idea of bussing white kids into the inner city. (Send little Timmy and Jane an hour out of their way to get to school!) But my basic point was to raise the level of the schools that are in the inner city so that if students are unable to access schools outside of where they live, they won't be sentenced to a lifetime of sub standard education.

Also, despite raising the level of education, it needs to be a grass roots effort as well. More parents that want their children to succeed and not just get by. I think that is easy for me to say because that is how I was raised. Education was extremely important in my household. Being in a half coconut, half southern household, you get to hear all sorts of stories about how "In my country this, back in the days of Jim Crow that..." And it really does make you appreciate what little you have. Ok, maybe not really. You just did what you had to do just to avoid hearing those stories again.

I think I may have to do some more reading on Kozol. Like my girl Lala says, its always nice when Crackers care.

"I Blog 'Cause I'm Bored" or: "Swingshift at the Movies"

2005-10-10T20:41:00.000-04:00

Its a long weekend and its been raining cats and dogs...so Baby TJ and I have been stuck in the house and we've been driving each other crazy. She wants to play. I want to sleep. We don't have cable. She got a new Tamagotchi and all she wants to do is talk about it. Eh.

With all this time on our hands, we did get to see a couple of good movies:

Fat Albert- I was surprised, but I actually kinda liked the movie. The plot line was a bit weak, and some of the characters plain old sucked, but you have to remember that most of the kids who would watch this movie have never even heard of Fat Albert. The movie was cute, though there were certain things that bothered me. I didn't like the fact that Kyla Pratt was cast as the shrinking violet to some no-name chick. I think she is a little too fabulous (hello...Penny Proud!) to be in someone else's shadow. I liked Kenan Thompson as Big Al, but there were times when I wanted to punch him in the gut of his fat suit because he was straining the voice and just being extra corny. I also could've done without the guest appearances by Omarion, his big brother (Baby TJ says: "Thats the boy from Sister, Sister!"), and Aaron Carter? My biggest problem is that most of the characters looked (or acted) nothing like the original Cosby kids. I had a hard time seeing past that. But Baby TJ loved the movie. The plan is to find the real original on DVD, and hope she likes it as much.

This one gets:

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy- I liked this one a lot, but had much of the movie drowned out with the little lady's incessant chatter. I thought that Mos Def and Opie (Martin Freeman) were quite the odd couple. The visual effects are what made the movie so enjoyable for me, with alien characters were clearly inspired by Jim Henson, a la Dark Crystal.

This one gets:

Pirates of the Caribbean- My love of this movie has nothing to do with the actual film. It is a great movie. Sure thing. But my love for it has more to do with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. Sexy, sexy, and sexy. The one problem I have with this movie is Keira Knightley. I just don't see what all the fuss is about. Yes, she has a pretty face, and she is an Ok actress, but she also is built like a pre-pubescent boy. Also, I hate the fact that she blew up after Bend It Like Beckham, when the clear star of the movie was Parminder Nagra.

This one also gets:

The Forgotten- I saw this one with The Former GF. I didn't know what to expect because I had no idea what the movie was about. The plot twist actually threw me for a loop and there were a couple of moments when I actually jumped (and I don't scare easy), so it got points for that. I didn't, however, like the fact that there were quite a few questions that were never answered and everything was resolved so neatly in the end.

This one gets:

I also got Crash and Artificial Intelligence, both of which I am really looking forward to seeing again.

Cinderyella

2005-10-08T11:37:00.000-04:00

I am no stranger to hard work. I think it has a lot to do with the way I was raised. When you were told to do a chore you just did it, no questions asked. No crying, no complaining, you just sucked it up and did what you had to do until it was over. And as one of the eldest children, and subsequently the most responsible, I was usually one of the first kids called on when something needed to be done.

I think back sometimes on all the work I had to do as a kid and its a wonder I survived. That's probably why I'm not so hard on baby TJ. I know how hard it was to be forced to do the work as adults when all you wanted to do was to enjoy your childhood. This probably also explains why my house is in a constant state of disarray. Its not terrible, but if my Nana could see it now, she'd probably make me go outside and get a switch so she could whup my ass. I had to do everything from cooking to cleaning, taking care of other kids, laundry, dishes, cleaning toilets, scrubbing plastic runners...

But one of the absolute WORST CHORES EVER was lotioning my grandmothers feet. Yes, you read that correctly. I used to have to rub lotion on her feet. And my Nana had corns, hammer toe, and bunions for days. Her feet were extra crusty and she had really thick and nasty toenails. None of us liked doing this. The lotion she used was extra thick, so its not like it was absorbed quickly. You would have to sit there and rub and rub until your little arms got sore. And her feet were pretty big, so it took a while to cover all that. You would know that she was getting ready to ask, because before she would ask for the foot rub, she would soak her feet in a basin with some Epsom salts, then shave the callouses off her feet. Believe me, its much worse than it sounds. And for some reason, she would always want me to be the one to do it, because she appreciated the fact that I didn't gag when lotioning between her toes. So as soon as I heard the water running in the basin, I would throw up in my mouth a little, then try and hide and hope someone else gets picked to moisturize the gators. But 9 times out of 10 I heard "TTTTTTTJJJJJJJ!!!" And I marched in slowly, head hung in defeat, another moment of innocence lost.

The Driver On The Bus Goes "Snark, Snark, Snark"

2005-10-07T14:06:00.000-04:00

I really hate it when people can piss me off to the point where I am thinking about it hours later. I consider myself to be a pretty laid back person, and can only really get shook when it comes to certain topics or by certain people. Most times I just laugh shit off, because life really is too short to let random assholes ruin your day. But when shit is ongoing, and is allowed to build up over time, that thin veneer of cool can be cracked pretty easily.

Here is the deal. I'm ALWAYS rushing from one place to another. My life runs on a pretty tight schedule, so throw the fact in that I have to rely on public transportation, and that is a recipe for disaster. The mornings are not a big deal. Baby TJ can take the bus or get a ride, and is out the house in plenty of time for me to focus on getting myself dressed and out to work. But of course, I don't know what I want to wear, or I can't find a certain pair of shoes or earrings, or I want to make sure my hair is done a certain way...and next thing you know, I'm sprinting out the house like Flo-Jo, running up the street, trying to keep my tits from jiggling their way out my top, and praying that I don't trip and fall oh-so-dramatically as I have been known to do. If I do miss the bus, its usually my own fault, and I sit there all disheveled, cursing whoever invented the snooze button, curling irons, or whatever it is that made me late.

At the end of the day, I am usually eyeing the clock ready to leave at 4:50. Before this Fall, that has given me plenty of time to power walk to the train station, and take the 5 minute train ride to then catch a bus to pick up the little lady. What makes this even more craptastic is I have a very short window of opportunity when I pick her up, because I have to then turn around and catch another bus to go home. And did I mention that Baby TJ is extra SLOOOOOOOOOW? I swear I always see 10 kids come and go before we get out the door.

But lately, this bus that I catch has been leaving early. I get out there with two minutes to spare, and the station is all quiet, dustballs rolling across the street, with only the sound of dirty pigeons shitting all over the benches. The bus has been long gone. And I know this because I have been at the bus stop early before, and have seen the bus pull out a full five minutes early. Its a big deal to me because 1) chances are I broke my ass trying to make it here on time, 2) if I miss the bus I have to wait 20 minutes for another one, and 3) I get charged $1 for every MINUTE that I am late to pick my kid up.

This past week I missed the bus twice, and this is even with me leaving earlier from work. Needless to say, I was pissed. So yesterday, as I waiting (early) for the bus, I make up my mind to say something to the driver, thinking that if he listens to reason, he will try and wait to leave. I let everyone get on the bus before me, then ask him if I could talk to him for a minute. Cool. "I just wanted to ask if you have been leaving early. There have been a few times when I've come out with a couple of minutes to spare and you've been long gone. There-..." This bitch actually starts talking to an incoming passenger while I'm trying to talk! Then he has the nerve to talk over me and say that he does leave on time every day and that he won't leave before the scheduled time. Points to his Swatch and all. I knew going in that this guy was going to be difficult, this is the same asshole that refuses to open the buses doors if he sees people running up as hes ready to leave the station. A grumpy old jackass who hates his job, but loves the fact that he can make other people miserable. His dislike of humanity probably stems from the fact that he was gang-raped in 'Nam, or maybe some colored boy keyed his Edsel or something. Whatever it is, hes definitely NOT a people person. And I knew I should've just bitched directly to the MBTA, wishing on a fairy's wing that they would actually give a shit and do something about it.

Pray for me to make the bus today.

Another Eventful Weekend

2005-09-26T13:35:00.000-04:00

I took a personal day on Friday to spend some time with the man formerly known as The Gentleman Friend (gotta get a new name for him). The original plan was to go to Six Flags New England. But we found out at the last minute that they are not open on weekdays, so that was scrapped. I was a bit bummed out, because I have NEVER been to a Six Flags before, something always seems to happen to cancel my plans to go (case in point).

He suggested apple picking instead. Which is not as exciting, but turned out to be lots of fun anyway. We went to Parlee Farm in Tyngsboro. Pretty nice place. The weather was good, people were really nice, and there were rugrats all over the place. We picked some raspberries and strawberries first. The raspberry picking went fairly quickly, because we decided just to do one carton, and ripe berries were all over the place. The strawberries, however, were a different story entirely. First off, the shit grows real low to the ground (didn't know all that). Secondly, their patches were pretty sparse and looked picked over, so it was hard to find acceptable berries (I'm real particular about what I put in my mouth- ha ha) and we wanted to fill three cartons worth for some strawberry shortcake. As we toiled away in the strawberry patches, perspiring in the mid-day sun, I got the sudden urge to sing a negro spiritual. Then I remembered that I probably would've been in the house, and left the rest of the work for The Former GF.

Starving Artist Concert
Later that night we went to the Milky Way in Jamaica Plain for a concert featuring Lee Wilson and some other local talent. The show started at 9, but we were rolling on CPT, so we didn't get there until around 10:30. I've only been to the Milky Way once before, and that was over a year ago. The place isn't very big, but it has a great vibe. And it had a pretty diverse crowd as well. Everyone seemed real laid back and just looking to have fun.

The show was hosted by DJ Nomadik. I did't get to see all the performances, but what I did see, I liked. Some of the talent included: Zwadi, V.S., Ed Rock, Project Move, Kiki (Breevelife?) ... and a few notables:

Jon Jon- I know this guy through a mutual friend, and always thought that he was very quiet and soft spoken. It was nice to see him light up on stage, getting all krunk and what-not.

Dead Poets- A group of latino brothers doing their thing. They rap, but all of them had beautiful singing voices too.

JT and the Dirty Truth- When I first came in, I noticed this dude right away. Think a pale supersized version of Questlove. Afro pick and all. So when he got up on stage, giving mad shout-outs, getting all amped, I thought, here goes another rapper. Then, the dude proceeds to get on the piano and passionately sing. Lets just say the Dirty Truth is that this nigga can blow.

Lee Wilson- I want to give a special shout out to this guy, because I have been checking him for awhile now. His set was short and simple, but very powerful. My girl Al B. sometimes sings backup for him, so I have seen him go from performing for a handful of people at the Virgin Megastore, to selling out crowds from Boston to NYC. Watch out for this one, he is on the come up big time.

I also must note that we happened to see Mr. CLos there. Looking all the Louis Vuitton Don that he is. (It was good seeing you man. The Flaherty pin threw me off, but I respect your gangsta. Reppin' your cause wherever you go.)

I'm sure there was more to comment on, but this is all being written from memory and I was drinking quite heavily at the time. Just suffice it to say, I had a great time and I hope to make it out there again sometime soon. Speaking of which, Soulkore is hosting a "Northern Hospitality" Katrina benefit concert there on Oct 5th. Check it out if you can.

Beantown Jazz Fest
I took the little lady downtown to the Jazzfest on Saturday. I didn't make it out there until late in the day, due to laziness and the fact that it was actually cold outside. When I did finally get it together, and got out there, she had a good time. First off, we stopped off at the kiddie section where they had all sorts of inflatable rides for the kids. After waiting online for a million years to get on a few of rides that she was on for a couple of minutes, I told her I was DONE. We were also disappointed by the fact that the balloon man and face painters were packing up as soon as we got there.

After that, we headed into the main section to get some grub. The music was kind of boring to me. Or maybe it was just that I was cold and hungry and didn't really feel like being there. Once we got her Chicken Tikka Masala and Saag, Baby TJ was once again in good spirits. She got a little greedy after that, and asked for some fried dough, but finished less than half of it. I then decided to head back home and call it a day.

Another great weekend for the books. This week: Baby TJ gets her school pics. Let hope she doesn't do the fake smile again this year. You know, the one some kids give where they have the pained constipated look on thier face? Yeah, that one.

ReRe Cochran comes to Boston

2005-09-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

I had a pretty good weekend, it left me feeling all warm and fuzzy and shit. Really it did. My girl since freshman year of college came up with a friend of hers from law school for their Black Alumni weekend. Since I couldn't get a sitter, she decided to chill with me, so we could do some catching up. I hadn't seen her in a minute, and we (really I) haven't done too well with keeping in touch lately, so it was much needed.

We decided to watch The Notebook. I actually had a bit of an episode when I saw this movie for the first time. Which prompted all sorts of jokes from the peanut gallery about me being extra gay and chickly. So we watch the movie, and this heffa is quiet, and looking a bit off. I ask her what she thinks, and she blurts out "I'm getting goosebumps!" That's gay if I ever heard it. Turns out she loved the movie, and was just as moved as I was. Ha!

After we had sufficient time to chill, the man formerly known as The Gentleman Friend came over. This is the first time they had met, but I wasn't worried because I think all my friends are exceptional people, so how can they not like each other? Like a true gentleman, he brought over some brown mommy juice and other libations, so he started off on the good foot. I popped some popcorn, he played bartender, and we just had a great time.

Then the next morning, he offered to make breakfast for all of us. He's in the kitchen, humming and cheffing it up, making waffles and what-not while I'm alongside him frying bacon and trying to entertain my girl and her friend, who are sitting at the table. Baby TJ is bouncing around, looking for attention. The food was good and the company was better. They left stuffed, we got to play house, and Baby TJ was just glad to have people other than myself to talk to for once. Good times.

I need to have more weekends like that.

For Colored Girls who have considered Going Postal when talking is not enough

2005-09-13T11:22:00.000-04:00

I am really nearing the end of my rope when dealing with my boss and certain coworkers. There have been a few incidences which really leave me with the urge to shank someone in the eye with a rusty butterknife. This one heffa, who shall hereforth be referred to as yuckmouth (because her corroded teeth suggest that her favorite meal is turd), is one of the biggest brown-nosers I have ever seen. Apparently, this has helped her get a promotion in the office, when she lacks the experience and plain old common sense necessary to do the job. But that is a whole nother issue that is being dealt with.

Today, she gets a call from someone who has apparently been trying to get in touch with her for some time. I rememeber speaking to him yesterday, and then again this morning. When I spoke to him, he was upset that once again he couldn't get through to her, that she hadn't returned his call, and I warned her when I saw her.

Me: "Hey, yuckmouth, Mr. So-and-so called for you. He was pretty upset, said he has tried numerous times to reach you. You may want to call him back before you go into any meetings"
YM: (with the perpetual shit eating grin on her face) "People are used to me being so responsive, when i dont call them right back, they get upset. I'm so sorry he was rude to you. They are always nice to me, I guess they feel more comfortable talking to the team when dealing with their issues."
Me: (wanting to say "I guess I'd feel more comfortable if you actually brushed your teeth every once in awhile, asshole.") "Whatever, just call him back."

So of course she didn't, and the man called back an hour later. I interrupted her in a meeting and told her that I didn't want to turn this man away again, so she needed to take the call.

YM: "Oh, him again. Thats terrible. I'm so sorry he was being rude to you TJ."
Me: "NO, actually he was upset because after several attempts, he couldnt get through to you. You need to talk to him now."

Take that, yuckmouth.

School Daze

2005-09-11T20:22:00.000-04:00

The first week of school went pretty well for the not-so-little Lady. She's in third grade now, which for some reason scares the bejeezus out of me. I think it just sounds so...old.

She really likes her teacher and classmates, despite the fact that her best friends are not in her class. I think that its good for her though. She can branch out and make even more friends (though that has never really been a problem for her). Shes expected to read 20 minutes a day, and instead of letting her read something simple like Junie B Jones or Captain Underpants, I'm making her read Charlotte's Web (I know, what a mean mom). She started reading it last year, but stopped halfway through it. I also got her a children's dictionary, and made her look up words she couldn't define for me. I felt bad at first, but shes been taking the book to school to read on her own time, and shes toting the dictionary around, looking up words she hears randomly, and just leafing through it. I'm loving it.

I know shes going to start multiplication this year as well. Math is not her strong suit, so I need to find some flash cards or work books and get her started early.

I'm trying to stay on top of things this year. Not only in terms of her schoolwork, but just basically being organized and ready the day before. It makes me feel like such a good mom when she looks put together, her homework is done, her (healthy and nutritious) lunch is packed, and she has a good breakfast. I send her out the door with a smile on her face knowing that she started her day right. Now if I can just get the rest of my life in order maybe I'll get to smile more often as well.

Conspiracy Theories

2005-09-10T21:21:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine sent the following email a few days ago. I watched a Dateline NBC special last night which covered some of these same issues and basically explained how this shit fell apart on so many levels. I had knots in my stomach and tears in my eyes for the entire show.

If anyone has the wall street journal from tuesday sept 6 (yesterday), read the katrina NEWS articles -- best I've seen ever. among the themes:

- how the so-called "war on terror" has blinded this country to more real threats

- how bureaucracy resulted in dead people (e.g. they refused to fly evacuees out of NOI airport because they didn't have enough AIR MARSHALS!!!)

- how everyone ignored the increasing screams from Army Corp of Engineers and others about the levees

- how the demographics of NO will never be the same because many of the poorest (blackest) people will stay where they've settled in towns like Baton Rouge and Houston

- how muslim terrorists are using Katrina as another recruiting tool: "see how weak the infidel is!" "see how capitalism exploits the poor and black people of america and no one cares!"

- how some are using this as a call to accelerate oil exploration in Alaska's Arctic Nat'l Wildlife Refuge

- how the Louisiana national guard deployed to Iraq took all the good and needed equipment with them (i.e.. high-water vehicles, humvees, choppers)

sad but amazing journalism.

George W. Bush Still Rocks!

2005-09-09T16:29:00.000-04:00

Hilarious...

The original article can be found on SFGate.com here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2005/09/09/notes090905.DTL
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, September 9, 2005 (SF Gate)
George W. Bush Still Rocks!/Stop criticizing! The rich man's CEO president is executing his job requirements perfectly
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist

Everyone is slamming poor Dubya. Everyone is saying, oh my God, he's more inept than we ever imagined, he has no idea what's really going on, he's oblivious and in denial and he pretty much let all those poor black people die in filth and misery, and he basically ignored the massive Katrina disaster for days before finally being pressured into cutting his umpteenth vacation short and actually taking action.

This is what they're saying. Kanye West was right, Bush doesn't care about black people, or the poor, or anything that doesn't directly serve his handlers' agenda or flatter his monochromatic ego or anything that isn't spelled out for him in nice simplistic pie charts and reassuring matronly tones.

And lo, the darts are slinging in from around the world, according to SF Gate's own World Views column: "Maddening incompetence ... reminiscent of a drought-stricken African state," says Britain's Daily Mail. "Can't get it together," says a major paper in Italy. "A plethora of grim tales of disaster," says the Scotsman. "Superpower or Third World?" asks the Spanish daily Noticias de Álava. Why did BushCo fail its first great national-security test since Sept. 11, despite having two days' advance notice of Katrina's wrath? asks Le Monde. And on it goes, the world's powers looking on in one part shock and one part disgust and all parts repugnance for Bush's rampant ineptitude and America's apparent inability to take care of its own.

But it's so unfair, isn't it, to attack poor Dubya like this? Just a little misplaced? After all, Bush has always been the rich white man's president. He is the CEO president, the megacorporate businessman's friend, the thug of the religious right, a big reservoir-tipped condom for all energy magnates, protecting against the nasty STDs of humanitarianism and progress and social responsibility. (tee hee)

He has always been merely an entirely selective figurehead, out of touch and eternally dumbfounded, a hand puppet of the neoconservative machine built and fluffed up and carefully placed for the very specific job of protecting their interests, no matter what. Repeat: No. Matter. What. Flood hurricane disaster war social breakdown economic collapse? Doesn't matter. Corporate interests über alles, baby. Protect the core, reassure the base, screw everyone else unless it begins to affect the poll numbers and then finger-point, deflect, prevaricate. All of a piece, really. Because Bush, he was never actually meant to, you know, lead.

So maybe it's time to stop with the savaging of poor Dubya. He is, after all, doing a simply beautiful job of kowtowing to his wealthiest supporters while slamming the poor and running the nation into a deep hole and creating the largest deficit in American history, all while his cronies in oil and industry and military supply and Big Energy gain immense and staggering wealth and pay less and less tax on it. This is what he was hired to do. This is why he is in office. Hell, the day after Katrina, Bush flew right by Louisiana and headed straight to San Diego to party with his Greatest Generation cronies. Reassure the masters, first and foremost, eh Shrub? Understood.

Is this not what we all expected? Can you reasonably say you thought it would be different? Just look. All major social services are being gutted. The Federal Emergency Management Agency is a joke, second in line only to the ungodly useless Homeland Security Department, which has become about as reassuring and trustworthy and humane an organization as a prison in Guantánamo.

The Associated Press reported that the Army Corps of Engineers asked for $105 million for hurricane and flood programs in New Orleans just last year. The White House hacked that down to about $40 million, even as it passed the most bloated and nauseatingly pork-filled $12.3 billion energy bill in recent history, one that guaranteed we'd be sucking at the tit of foreign oil and kneeling before Bush's pals in Big Energy for decades to come, even as more and more teenagers die in Iraq for Bush's inept and failed war. Yay politics.

Why didn't National Guardsmen from Louisiana and Mississippi march into New Orleans immediately after Katrina exited to take charge and keep the peace? Why, because most of them are serving in that same violent and brutally costly war in Iraq, silly. Fully 30 percent of the guard is stuck over there, along with 50 percent of their equipment. Yay Vietnam 2.0.

Why did FEMA chief Michael Brown wait hours after Katrina struck to timidly plead with his parent company, Homeland Security, for some backup, not to actually get their hands dirty but rather to help "convey a positive image" about the government's response to the victims? Why, because he's an incompetent lackey Bush appointee who was fired from his former job as head of something called the International Arabian Horse Association. Yay pathetic nepotism.

Just look. Senate majority leader Sen. Bill Frist, icon of hollow self-righteousness and the energy magnate's friend, has already leveraged the Katrina nightmare to argue for more drilling in Alaska, much in the way BushCo whored Sept. 11 to cram the Patriot Act down the nation's throat and make fear and xenophobia a national pastime. And let's not forget trusty profit-sucking sidekick Halliburton, which has already scored a sweet deal to help repair Katrina damage, thanks to the fact that the former director of FEMA is now a Halliburton lobbyist. Ah, war and death and tragedy. They are just so goddamn profitable, right, Dubya?

And then, the kicker. Then you read that Bush has actually ordered an official probe into the botched Katrina relief efforts, a formal federal investigation into what went wrong, which is a bit like a shark ordering an investigation into what happened to all the fish. Unless this probe starts and ends in the White House, unless it hangs Bush himself up by his monkey ears and dangles him over a river of toxic Louisiana sewage, it's merely useless and insulting and more than a little sad.

Let's say it outright. The truest measure of any president, of any leader, is how well he takes care of his own people. And Bush, well, Bush has done a simply spectacular job of taking care of exactly his own people -- the wealthy, the corporate, the extreme religious right, his core base of supporters -- while happily and fiercely ignoring, restricting, condemning, destroying the rest. Are you educated or progressive or liberal or alternative-minded or sexually open or homosexual or anti-war? This means you. Are you dirt poor and belong to a minority and don't drive an SUV and contribute six figures per annum to the RNC and maybe live in a flooded swamp in the Louisiana bayou? This means you, squared. Sucker.

Here, then, is the new American motto, as reimagined by BushCo: Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and we'll let them die in a filthy and decrepit storm-ravaged American football stadium while our president languishes on vacation and ponders his oil futures and fondly remembers his good ol' days of getting drunk at Mardi Gras before going AWOL from the military. God bless America.

Thoughts for the author? E-mail him.

Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on SF Gate and in the Datebook section of the SF Chronicle. To get on the e-mail list for this column, please click here and remove one article of clothing. Mark's column also has an RSS feed and an archive of past columns, which includes a tiny photo of Mark probably insufficient for you to recognize him in the street and give him gifts.

As if that weren't enough, Mark also contributes to the hot, spankin' SF Gate Culture Blog.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2005 SF Gate

The Aftermath

2005-09-08T12:23:00.000-04:00

There are so many things going on right now. Between Katrina, coming back from vacation, returning to full time mom mode, the little lady going back to school, and general work bitches and bullshit, I have a lot to post about, but first things first.

Im pretty happy about how my alma mater has responded:

-They are contacting our undergraduate and graduate students who live in the region to offer any assistance we can in helping them arrive safely for the fall term. They are also offering to lend support to any member of the Faculty or staff who has family members displaced by the storm.

-Through October 15th, they will match up to $100 per individual (faculty member, student, or employee) to the following organizations:
American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund
America's Second Harvest Hurricane Relief
Bush-Clinton Relief Fund
NAACP Disaster Relief Fund
The Salvation Army Disaster Relief
Alabama Governor's Emergency Relief Fund
Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation
Mississippi Hurricane Recovery Fund

Additionally, they are establishing their own fund to assist victims of the hurricane.

-They will admit 25 additional students from colleges and universities that will not reopen this term due to the storm into our Visiting Undergraduate Student Program for the Fall Semester. No tuition will be charged. On-campus housing will be provided on a space-available basis.

-They are also facilitating the efforts of university-affiliated health professionals who would like to volunteer for the response efforts.

For ways you can help, see below:

Gov. Mitt Romney announced the activation of the Operation Helping Hand Volunteer Helpline for those who wish to volunteer their skills to assist the survivors of Hurricane Katrina who will be staying in Massachusetts over the next few months. The number is 1-800-293-4031.

I found an excellent website with detailed listings of different non-profit agencies. Check out the Network for Good.

My girl Niki also has detailed list for those in the Boston area.

Vacation Countdown

2005-08-23T14:49:00.000-04:00

I'm making another trip down to Fla soon, to visit my younger sister. She lives in Sarasota, about an hour south of Tampa. I'm taking the little lady with me this time, and she is excited and ready to go! She has been talking about going since before the summer started. She loves her Auntie, and I think it really feels like a vacation because we are have planned all sorts of fun activities for her. Seven whole days of fun and relaxation...yay.

My sister and I are excited as well. I haven't seen her in a year, since our last trip down there. Its funny because as kids, we weren't the best of friends. My older sister and I were the ones always having to do housework and taking care of our younger siblings and cousins. But because this sister was the pretty one, she was over there playing princess, while we were worked over like the ugly stepsisters. *But I'm over all that now* As we grew older, we grew closer, because she stopped being so spoiled and I stopped being so mean. We bonded over the fact that we are the only sane ones in our family. And we realized that actually, we are a lot alike. We have very similar tastes in many things. We look to each other for advice, comfort, to listen when no one else will. Its great to know that shes there for me.

So anyway, we're all in countdown mode. Baby TJ is packing her bags as we speak. I'm going to pick her up from NY on Thursday, then bring her back to Boston so we can leave. I can't wait to see her.

Our biggest outing for the trip is to a water park called Adventure Island. None of us can swim, so it is going to be quite an adventure indeed. But it does look like they have a lot of kid friendly rides, so it should be lots of fun. I am mad, however, that its gonna cost $30 a pop to get in. We're also going to go out to a fancy restaurant sometime that week to celebrate her and her husband's 1st wedding anniversary. They did a simple ceremony before a Justice of Peace last year, and Baby TJ and I were the only ones in attendance. I took pictures that I never developed, and I promised her that I would find them before I leave. It would be nice to put them in a little album as well, but I doubt that will happen.

Just 4 more days to go...

Breast Cancer License Plates

2005-08-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

I read a story in the paper today about two women who are lobbying to develop a breast cancer license plate in Massachusetts. Deb McNeil and Janice Connolly-Laubenstein have been working together since 2002 to bring this plan to fruition. The state of Massachusetts requires that 1500 people register and pay for the plate upfront before they can go into production. Apparently they only have 600 at this point. That's a bit disheartening to me.

I was able to find a little blurb about this online trough CBS4, and I'm really mad that the bootleg Metro paper did a better write-up of this then a news station. So for a more comprehensive article, just pick up today's edition. That is, if you didn't already have one shoved in your face on your way to work.

Just a little FYI, each plate is $40, with $28 going towards research at Tufts-New England Medical Center. If you are interested in registering for the breast cancer plate, go to http://www.curebreastcancerplate.org/. The design is a bit simple, but its for a great cause. (Though I'm really hoping that someone will step in and jazz it up just a little.)

If $40 is too much for you, or like me, you don't even have a car to put a plate on, you can also do your part by visiting The Breast Cancer Site . It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on Fund Free Mammograms (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate money for mammograms in exchange for advertising.

The Rubber Band Man has nothing on him

2005-08-16T16:54:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to say that I am hot for our Staples delivery guy. My coworker tried to tell me about him before, but I didn't get the chance to see for myself, apparently I was on the phone, "working". But I had the pleasure of seeing him this time, and boy was I pleasantly surprised. Tall, beautiful brown complexion, athletic build, and boyish good looks. But with my luck, he's either a metrosexual or dumb as a brick. Oh well, at least he is nice eyecandy for the office.

It was actually kinda sad, as soon as he came in I think my mouth dropped open. We're never that lucky to have attractive delivery men. Usually it is some cranky old guy with hairy bird legs. And anyone who frequents this area knows that there is a shortage of attractive men. So myself and a couple of coworkers were giggling like a couple of school girls. Funny stuff. But I felt like such a chick afterwards.

Knuck if you Buck

2005-08-16T15:48:00.000-04:00

I never really considered myself an emotional person. Not that I didn't experience emotions, I just never wanted to be one of however many kids making noise just to hear themselves talk. Growing up in a household with 5 kids, and usually 2, 3, or more miscellaneous cousins and rugrat neighbors, you don't really get to voice your opinion without being drowned out by several other voices, all louder and more insistent than yours. Don't get me wrong, I had my share of temper tantrums and outbursts of tears, but as one of the oldest, I was always looked at as the sensible, rational, responsible one. Even moreso than my older sister. If shit happened, I felt it was my duty to suck it up and take one for the team. I was the one wiping tears, resolving conflicts, and kissing boo-boos.

As I grew older, and experienced one-on-one adult relationships, it was a novel idea to have my feelings even heard, much less having them count. And eventually what was even more novel, was to then have these feelings disregarded and thrown to the wayside when it really mattered.

So now, I feel like I'm making up for lost time. When I feel the teeniest bit slighted, I raise all holy hell letting you know what I think. I don't cap or censor myself like I probably should. Funny thing is though, when it comes to my daughter, or the members of my family, I can suck up the worst of pain, just so they don't have to experience it, but for everyone else, you're on your own. It goes for the good things too. If I think something is funny, I laugh out loud, probably at the expense of looking like a fool. If I love you, I love you deeply, with ALL my heart. If I'm sad, I bawl like a baby. And boy, oh boy, if you do something to upset me. It's not pretty.

I have been told that my emotions have a distinct tangibility to them. Even if its not on my face, people can feel it, whether it be joy, sorrow, or more likely, anger. And I think the weight of any of those can be too much to bear sometimes. But after a lifetime of internalizing them, its strangely freeing to be able to let them loose at that exact moment that I'm feeling it.

"Let's hug it out, bitch!"

2005-08-10T16:29:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I am really feeling HBO's show Entourage. I saw the first few episodes, when it first premiered last year, but was unable to get into it because I don't have cable (poor me). But thank the Lawd for HBO on demand, and people who will let me veg out in front of their TV.

From their website:
HBO presents Season Two of Entourage, the hit comedy series executive produced by Mark Wahlberg that takes a look at the day-to-day life of Vincent (Vince) Chase, a hot young actor in modern-day Hollywood, and his entourage. He's brought with him from their hometown in Queens, NY: manager Eric, half-brother Drama, and friend Turtle. The series draws on the experiences of industry insiders to illustrate both the heady excesses of today's celebrity lifestyle, as well as the difficulty of finding love and success in the fast track of show biz. Now that the boys are getting used to the perks of stardom, Eric, along with superagent Ari, keep Vince's star rising while making sound decisions for a long-lasting career in a world of fleeting fame.

Now don't be scared by the fact that its produced by Markey Mark. The show is hilarious, esp Ari, the agent. The verbal sparring between him and Eric is classic stuff. I don't think that a lot of women watch this show because of the T and A factor, but if you can get through that, and just watch the show for its purely comedic moments, then you can appreciate it.

I think I'm going through a Quarter Life Crisis

2005-08-05T12:58:00.000-04:00

I have just been in such a mood lately. I'm really wondering what the point of it all is. What my purpose is in life. Time keeps flying by, but I feel like I'm dealing with the same shitty issues that I've been experiencing for the past few years. And because I don't have the courage or the energy to actually deal with these problems, I don't allow myself the time to bitch about them. I just float on by, just letting things be, in hopes that something will just CHANGE.

The problem is, that for years, I felt like my life was in constant flux, between school, my daughter, her father, work, family...there was always something going on, and none of it was ever good. I really think that I have the worst luck ever. I must have been an evil tyrannical bitch in another life. Once the donor and I ended things for good, my life settled into somewhat of a stable routine. But that routine has made me complacent and has set me into a stable, but boring rut. And I'm too scared to change anything because I don't want to go back that state of perpetual change.

I really don't think that there is any area of my life where I am completely satisfied. My family is always going through some drama, and as the stable, sane, responsible one, I am the person who gets to deal with it all. Lord help me if I actually lived back in NY with all of them, I would literally shrivel up and die. I don't know what they expect me to do all the way from Boston. There is but so much change that can happen from me talking to people. Grown folks will do what they want to do. Change comes from within and can not be forced. My daughter is the one highlight in my life, but as the mother hen, I of course worry about her too. Not so much her as her father's relationship with her. She is with him for the summer, but I really don't think that they are getting that quality, getting to know you again type of time together. Sure, I understand, you work and are busy, but damn, you don't get time to spend with her often, so make the most of it. Please.

My now defunct love life is also weighing heavily on my mind. Being friends wasn't supposed to feel different, but it sure does to me. Thing is though, we're doing the things I wanted: spending more time together, I'm being invited to events to meet his friends/family, we're going out on "dates". So why am I feeling so blah about the whole situation. Why does it now feel artificial. Apparently its because the butterflies are gone. After all the back and forth, my heart just gave up. I guess its back to being the hermit, because I really don't feel like learning anyone new. I'm just now starting to learn myself.

The job is and always will be craptastic. I make good money, but this is definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I keep the job because it works for now. Great location, great benefits, it pays the bills, and folks are always cooking something good in here. My boss can eat a fat one, but I am ok with most everyone else. I just can't leave here without having a plan, a solid one. Because I need to make sure that the little one is taken care of.

Really though, sometimes I feel like I just want to run away from it all and start over. Do something that is just for ME. But I can't afford to be selfish. Such is life. You make your choices, you live up to your responsibilities, you behave like an adult.

More Ways to Waste Time

2005-08-03T16:03:00.000-04:00

Ripley's IQ Game:
http://www.ripleys.com/games/iq.html

No idea, but its funny:
http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf

Rules: Only 2 people on the raft at a time. The father can not stay with any of the daughters without their mother'spresence. The mother can not stay with any of the sons without their father's presence. The thief (striped shirt) can not stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft. To start click on the big blue circle on the right. To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

Bugaboos

2005-08-03T15:53:00.000-04:00

I've had numerous conversations with male friends about the fine art of rejection. Most guys think that women can be too harsh, and its our response that either keeps them from asking out other women, or responding negatively in turn. I usually try to be as friendly as possible, but it's been my experience that you can't just say no to a date, phone number, dance, whatever. You have to have an explanation, and then you have to be able to back it up with evidence as well.

This has become more and more apparent to me as the summer goes on. Maybe its because I'm out and about more often, maybe its because men seem to lose their damn minds once the weather gets warmer and the skirts get shorter. But whatever the cause, dudes just can't seem to take a polite "no, thank you" for an answer.
And its not just the young ones either, the old ones seem to get their draws in a bunch too. "You don't want me? But I'm suave, sophisticated and debonair!" Ummmm and you're also old enough to date my mom. Go back to your arthritis pills and ben-gay homie, cause it ain't happening over here.

I remember one guy used to ride the same bus as me. One day he came over to my stop and started getting all chatty. Fine, ok, I don't mind. All in the name of being friendly. Then he started coming more often to my stop, and would make a point to chat me up each time. damn. Eventually he got to have more than a 5 minute conversation with me, and I could see where he was going with it. What do you do on your weekends, what do you do to have fun, etc, etc. When he finally asked if we could go out, I said my polite stock response "No thanks." I then alluded to the fact that I don't have a lot of free time to hang out anyway. He then asked, again, like I was going to magically change my mind, then had the nerve to say "But you didn't give me a real reason why you can't" My response: "I wasn't aware that I had to give a reason." He backed down soon after that.

This has happened enough times that I had to change my stock response. I actually had one dude ask me if I like girls. Wow. Then it became, although it irritates every fiber in my being that this is the only valid excuse, "No thanks, I already have someone". But even now, I find that my excuse is being challenged. "Does your man treat you right? If I was your man, you wouldn't want for anything. How long have you been together? Damn, I didn't realize that it was any of your business.

I'm really at the point where I'm just going to be brutally honest. "No, you're too ugly, old, stinky, stupid, boring, and/or corny." There, now fuck off. Or maybe I'll just keep it simple and say "No", then give them a look if they decide to play 20 questions. Lets see how that goes.

How to Lose a Job in 10 Days

2005-07-28T05:30:00.000-04:00

I am not really cut out for a 9-5, but its an necessary evil unless you're born into money or are ok with being homeless. During the summer, as do most people, I tend to slack off something terrible, and look for entertainment via the world wide web, email, instant messengers, and the like. Now I'm not saying you should too, but if you do decide to take a break for a minute, or two, or 30...let me steer you towards some interesting sites:

Games, Games, Games
Click on the Procrastinate!!! links to play.

Bejewled- kinda like colums, kinda like Tetris, lots of fun, and easy to do if you are back and forth on the computer, trying to hide from your boss.

Text Twist- Its like a cross between Scrabble and Boggle. This is good for all you nerdy wordsmiths out there. Its real humbling when you cant see simple words like AND in a group of six letters. However, the more you play the easier it gets!

iSketch- This one you need to do on your lunch break, or early in the morning before your boss comes in. It requires a little more concentration. Its basically online Pictionary. My suggestion is to go into the easy rooms where people don't have a heart attack if you cant guess that what looks like a turd is actually an Egyptian pyramid.

Ghetto Pass
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and they said a word that you never heard before? And not some big SAT word, but something on a straight ebonics tip? All shizzle and nizzle and whatnot? But you were afraid to ask what they mean, you just nod and smile because you don't want your ghetto pass revoked. Well, fear no more, for those of us not up on the lingo, there is the Urban Dictionary. Check it out.

Player Appreciate is for those of you who need an introduction to Pimping 101. They have a pimp of the month section (um Nelly? Where the fuck is Terrance "Whip that Trick!" Howard?), pimping and blinging gear, a pimp name generator, and even a how-to section. The funniest thing is the pictorial look at how to pimp-slap someone:

Misery Loves Company

Street Harassment Project- women send their stories of harassment in to this site. I don't know that they actually do shit, but its fascinating to read what other people go through. I have some stories I could tell my damn self.

PostSecret- Its probably not a good idea to visit this site if you are already depressed. The site is updated weekly.

Virtual Models

My model is a sexy bitch, isn't she!

You can create your own thru MyVirtualModel.com or H&M Poolside. The H&M one has a little more variety in terms of skin shades, but for those of us caught somewhere between golden yellow and brown sugar, you probably wont get too accurate results. But it sure does look good! You can try a couple of outfits on it and admire how you would look if you had that body you always wanted.

Then of course, there are various blogs of which am a faithful reader. I don't know blogging etiquette on linking to other people's sites, so I wont post them, but if you want a good read, check out SuperBlogger. This chick blogs in her sleep. I want to be like her when I blog up.

If you have any good sites you want to share, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

Down with Love

2005-07-22T15:39:00.000-04:00

It appears as though Lala and I had disturbingly similar pity parties last night. Only mine involved Captain Morgan, Cherry Coke, and The Notebook. Now, I'm not one to cry over a movie. But I was already feeling like shit and the fact that I was drinking alone didn't help matters. By the end of the movie I was crying like a little bitch, curled up in the fetal position, clutching my blanket and sobbing. "He loves her so much, even after all this time. Why can't she remember?!?!" Oye, I'm getting all verklempt just thinking about it.

The movie is your typical love story, but there is something so honest and genuine in the way the characters are portrayed, it just got to me. You could see the desire and anticipation in their eyes the first time they saw each other naked. You could almost feel the anger and frustration when he left her, because her parents thought he wasn't good enough (read: rich enough) for her. You could see the love and vulnerability when he asked her to choose between him and her fiancee by following what's in her heart, not what makes sense for anyone else.

I think a large reason why this hit me is because I recently had a conversation with the man formerly known as The Gentleman Friend about these scenarios. Basically about how females are raised to believe in the knight-on-a-white-horse version of love, and how that utopian view of what love should be like distorts their ability to conduct themselves in real relationships. I actually agree with this one. I was that chick, however many years ago, who believed in unconditional true love, how love conquers all, blah, blah, blah, GAG. If I sound just a little bitter, its because I am. I received a crash course in real world love from my 7 year relationship with the donor (aka the ex-husband aka the baby daddy). And a couple of guys that came after him gave refresher courses. So suffice it to say, I'm not big on knights and I just may kick one if I see him trying to come around on a white horse or in shining armor. However, I do still belive that kind of love exits. I just don't think it was meant to happen for me.

I feel like the difference is that I know that kind of relationship, no matter how much the two people are in love, is bound to have its share of ups and downs. What is that quote? "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, It's compromise that moves us along". Anything worth having is worth working for, and you can't just throw up your hands in defeat whenever its not all shits and giggles. And I believe in that strongly, which is probably why I stayed just a little longer than I should have with the donor. There is a quote from the movie that pretty much sums it up. It's said with such sincerity, I wanted to marry this dude on the spot myself.

"So it's not gonna be easy, it's gonna be really hard. And we're gonna have to work at this everyday. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever."

When a man can love your flaws as much as your strengths, during your ups and downs, every part of you in its entirety, that to me is true love. I want that. ***Sigh*** Because I feel like this is getting a little to personal, and making me feel just a little too depressed about my situation, I will end this post with another quote from the movie:

"The best kind of love is the kind that awakens the soul. That makes us reach for more. That plants fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me, and that's what I hope to give you, forever."

Beautiful. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Who Do I Turn To

2005-07-19T15:15:00.000-04:00

How many times, do I put my feelings on the line,
For you to say, from where you stand everything's okay...
-Chante Moore

I want to go back!

2005-07-15T15:44:00.000-04:00

I just got the pics back from my Key West trip. I'm quite the amateur photographer!

Sunset at Mallory Square

The view from my hotel room

Two palm trees swaying in the breeze

The view from the motor boat

The Grittier part of Duval St.- Bahama Village

Cafe Mural

Ahhhh...memories...

Funk the PFunk

2005-07-13T16:12:00.000-04:00

Since I'm kid-free this summer, I have been trying to be out and about whenever I can. Last night I went to a free concert on the Boston Harbor. For those of you in the area who are into live music, they have a concert series Tuesday-Thursday nights, featuring various bands.

Summer Soul Tuesdays (R&B/ Soul)
Summer Swing Wednesdays (Varies)
Blue Barge Series Thursdays (Jazz/Blues)

I had a fantastic time, the band was getting down, you could tell they were really into the music. They played a little bit of everything, from James Brown, the Commodores, Anita Baker, Morris Day and the Time, and even managed to blend new school lyrics over old school beats. I had to do a triple take when I heard them singing John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland". They worked it out though.

There was a small area in front of the (floating) stage for people to dance on. It was funny to watch because it seemed that no one was on the same beat. I mean people were straight spazzing, looking like they were having epileptic seizures. I worried that in one of their fits, someone may capsize the whole thing. Eventually The Gentleman Friend and I decided to get in on the fun. He was really working it out down there, had a little fan club because he knew all the old school dances. I must say that it really did it for me, I like a man who knows how to move. Yum.

We sat in the outdoor cafe in front of the hotel. A word of advice, if you decide to go, EAT BEFOREHAND. Their food is decent, but way overpriced. I got this soft-shelled crab appetizer and I swear I though they were joking. It looked like a premie crab that drowned in a mound of nasty shredded lettuce. I finished it in two bites, and I think I was more hungry after eating it. They also had a fairly extensive drink menu (also overpriced). I had a Berritini that was more -tini than berry so I wasn't impressed.

Despite that, all in all it was a great night. I plan on going again soon.

Fun in the Sun

2005-07-11T13:30:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhh...just came back from vacation with The Gentleman Friend. We went to Key West for the week of the 4th, and apparently timed it perfectly, leaving Boston just as the temps dropped down to the 60s, then returning just before Dennis tore through the Keys. What can I say about Key West. BEE-U-TI-FUL!!! I had a fantastic time.

Random Moments/Comments:

Why are there wild chickens just roaming the island? Crowing at all hours. Them bitches must've been in heat, because I thought they were only supposed to crow at dawn?

Crazy cab drivers: One middle aged man tried to convince us that on his recent trip to Thailand, the girls that he met were in their late 20s, early 30s, and not underage streetwalkers who sell their bodies just to be able to eat. Asshole. Then there was the half-breed who told us the story of how his German father met his Cherokee mother on some reservation in the Mid-west.

Drunken, middle aged women: I go into the restroom at this bar. No toilet tissue, so I come out, and see a woman going to the other stall. I stop her before she goes in, ask if I can quickly grab some tissue. She says sure honey, while doing the pee pee dance. I stand at the door, thinking shes going to grab me some tissue, but instead i get to see her taking a leak before my eyes. Gross. I grab the tissue anyway and run into the other stall.

TJ driving a motor boat: I was big pimping out on the Atlantic. I can't swim, which means I couldn't snorkel, so my tour guide (a golden haired surfer looking guy named Brooke) told me to take the boat on a spin. And I did. Its very freeing to drive a boat full speed in the middle of nowhere. I almost didn't want to come back.

My Recommendations:

Meteor Smokehouse on Southland Street. Great ribs. Finger licking good.

Crabby Bill's- Extremely fresh seafood. Scrumptious. And try their Crab Trap specialty drink.

Sunset celebration in Mallory square. Street performers, arts and craft vendors, live music, food, folks, and fun! Oh yeah, and the sunset.

Rick's/ Durty Harry's. Although their website looks real "girls gone wild", it was a nice place to hang out. Rick's has ok drinks, and becomes a club with decent music at night. Durty Harry's downstairs had some live rock bands, which isn't really my thing, but I love live music, esp with a band that can get a crowd hype.

Fat Tuesday- Great selection of frozen daiquiri's. $6 a pop, plus you can top it off with a shot for a $1 more. They play decent music there as well. If you want to get shitfaced, try the grain train combo.

Jack Flat's on Duval street. A nice sports bar. Huge screen so The Gentleman Friend got to watch his Sox play. Good drinks at cheap prices. And they have a pool table and dart board in the back. We called it a draw, but he knows I really won (the points don't lie!)

I also have recommendations for a pub crawl, snorkeling, and beaches, but I won't bore you all with the details. Just holla if you want to know more!

Boston to New York

2005-06-30T14:31:00.000-04:00

For those of you who don't know, in order to give Greyhound a little competition, there have been a multitude of bus companies created that run from Chinatown in Boston to Chinatown in New York for only $10. I had a crazy experience my first time trying it.

Since it was my first time, I wasn't really sure where to go to get a ticket. I'm looking for a bus line called Fung Wah, not knowing there were other, even more bootleg, bus companies. As I'm walking downtown, trying to find the ticket booth, I'm asking people for directions, but NO ONE SPEAKS ENGLISH. Eventually I get directed to a booth that says Boston to New York right over it. I get my ticket and ask the woman where I catch the bus. She mumbles something like "right here" so I think I'm all set. As I stand around waiting, I see a line form across the street, and it keeps getting longer and longer. I start to get nervous, because the line is starting to wind down the street. I ask the woman again where the bus gonna pick up, and of course that is the line I'm supposed to be on. I give her gas face before hauling me and my heavy ass bag across the street.

After a while, a woman comes to the head of the line with a homemade sign saying bus to NY. A few minutes later, she yells out "Follow me!" then starts power walking through Chinatown. Most people look confused, but then pick up and run after her. Dragging their kids and bags behind them all willy-nilly. There is no line anymore, just madness and chaos. I'm running like everyone else trying to keep up, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, and then we all rush the woman at the door to the bus, all trying to get on first.

I throw 'bows up a few times to get to the head of the line, and when I get on, this is the most budget bus I've ever seen. There is hardly any space between the seats, so my grasshopper legs were folded up under me, and they had plastic bags (like you get at the grocery store) hanging off every seat. Once I settle in, I look at my ticket stub. What do you know, this isn't Fung Wah. Apparently I ended up taking on called something like Lucky Star Happy Family. I also had no idea where in Chinatown this bus was going to end up. I break out into a cold sweat, then call my friend who was supposed to pick me up in NY. I nervously joke about how this must be some undercover operation to kidnap people and sell them to a sweatshop. Thankfully she knows the address.

After all that, the bus ride itself was pretty uneventful. They did, however, have one TV monitor on the bus, which they used to play a Chinese movie (without subtitles) which I swear showed people having relations in a pool. Good times, good times.

My Poor Little Piggies

2005-06-28T14:51:00.000-04:00

I go to the nail salon yesterday to get my toes did, and as I walk in, I can already tell it is going to be a bad experience. It was hot as hell in there, crowded, and for some odd reason, they decided to play 'Beyonce Live at Wembley' full blast on the TV. I decided to wait anyway, because 1)I already expended the energy to walk here and was too hot and lazy to go elsewhere, 2)they have decent prices, and 3)I NEEDED a pedicure badly. The heels were looking a mess, like I'd been playing soccer in a flour field.

They call me after about 15 min, then I drag my stuff over to one of the chairs and as I go to sit I smile in anticipation. I swing forward and plop my feet into the frothy water. HOLY SHIT!!! Why is the water a thousand degrees? I didn't know we were boiling water for noodles. (I was gonna write for tea, but thought that sounded racist. Can't really get around that one. Oh well, just know that the joint was on fire). I'm thinking, what is she trying to say? My feet are not that bad. Or are they? Now, I have had a few pedicures in my time, but I only really do professional ones for special occasions, otherwise, its the bootleg home version. And it had been awhile, so I'm thinking that maybe its supposed to be that hot? Am I just being a punk? Maybe it'll make it easier to get the rough skin off my heels? Whatever it takes, homie, I'm a trooper. So I try to dip them in again. That doesn't work. I look around in vain, trying to get someone's attention, but they either can't hear or are purposefully choosing to ignore my wimpering cries of pain. Finally, I go heels first, and slowly ease the rest in. Still hot, but it works.

When the woman comes back over, she starts by removing my old polish, then clipping my toenails. But she didn't really clip them, just kind of nip the edges. Ok...so maybe they didn't need that much cutting. Then she used the pushy thingy (yes, that is the technical term) to push back my cuticles. Cool. Then she uses the nail clippers again to go after my cuticles. Alrigh...OUCH! I think she made me bleed, but I couldn't prove it because I think the hot water cauterized my wounds and washed away any evidence of blood. As she reaches into the basin (up to this point I just placed my feet on the edge as instructed) she goes "Woah, this water is hot!" Ya think, bitch? So basically, I've been boiling my little piggies for nothing. Fine, its whatever, I'm used to it by now. She then starts scrubbing my feet. Now, if you know nothing else about me, know that my feet are extremely ticklish. Like I start spazzing and twitching and all that. So I sit there and try to contain myself as she starts. I giggle and squirm a bit, she smiles like she thinks I'm slightly retarded. Right. Then comes the "massage" part of the pedicure, where they rub you with Pepto-Bismol colored lotion that looks like they got it from the dollar store. As she rubs it into my legs and feet, I wonder if I remembered to shave my legs. Yes. Great. Everything is cool. But after awhile I'm thinking maybe not, because she proceeds to punch my calf muscles. You know, to get the blood flowing. Now, I'm not talking about a full on right hook, but homegirl's hands were balled up into fists, and she had each one face up on either side of my leg. Punch! Punch! Punch! down each calf. She looked like she was 90 lbs. soaking wet, but I'm ashamed to say that it actually kinda hurt! Then she had the nerve to pull and crack each of my toes. To loosen the joints? No idea what that was for.

After all that, it was just primp and polish. I was a bit irritated because after all that drama, I managed to brush one of my toes up against the nail dryer and nicked the polish a bit. As I sat home afterwards, the feeling came back in my feet. They were tingling, esp. where she shanked my cuticle, and on the heels, where she scrubbed like she was sanding wood. And now that I really look at them, my feet look pinkish-brown. Like spam, or those nasty little sausages that come in a can. Needless to say, I won't be returning to that salon anytime soon.

Maiden Voyage

2005-06-28T14:29:00.000-04:00

Yikes. This is kind of intimidating. I'm not much of a writer and honestly, I opened up an account just so I can make snarky comments on other people's blogs, but since I'm here, I figured that I might as well just share a little something with the rest of the class.

Lets see...I'm a smartass, a klutz, a little dorky (but in a loveable way), I lack tact, and laugh at inappropriate things. I'm sensitive on the inside, but like to put on a front of being tough, thus being coined "jelly donut" by a couple of my friends. However, my alter-ego is this suave (yes, I said suave), confident, witty, charming, pimptastic girl that knows all the right things to say at the right times. I can shift into that mode when needed, hence the blog name. Read on and enjoy!